Its always so much easier being the bad guy

Isn't it?

You don't have to be answerable for your actions. People assume since you're a piece of shit you don't really need to have a reason for doing the things that you did. People just accept the fact that you do it because you're, well, bad.

In the same manner, it sucks when you try to do it right. Because when you screw it up, it is held against you. Your actions are held up against the light to be scrutinised, to be criticised. Why? Because you're expected to do right. It really does not matter what you have done before that, because it is by your misdeeds that you are judged in people's eyes.

God's lessons are often lost on the blind and deaf, and those whose hearts are hardened by their sins. Sometimes I wonder if I am one of them, because somehow those lessons seem to be lost on me too. And indeed, while it is easy to be the bad person in Man's eyes, for Man is shallow and judgemental, God is all-seeing and all-knowing and nothing escapes his eyes. His gaze penetrate to the deepest depths of your heart; He sees every deed, every thought. And He knows the truth.

When deeds are done, sometimes we try to offer an explanation as to why it happened, as if to atone for our guilt. But it is only in Man's eyes will we receive forgiveness, not His, should we pursue this path. Sometimes Man's eyes are shut and his ears turned, and we apologise in vain, for Man has made his mind, and passed his judgement. And we sit down blaming ourselves for our indiscressions.

But it is really in God's eyes that true forgiveness stems. Jesus paid for our sins. He loved us, so that we may love. He forgave us, so that we may forgive. And He has not judged us, so who are we to judge?

And in my guilt, I shall set off on the path of the straight and narrow. I shall learn to cast off the shackles of earthly delights and temptations, and learn that He is my manna, and He shall provide. He will be my guiding light and my strength to stop me from straying the path, and to learn to walk the talk. I need to be able to do it.

Because if I don't, as much as He can forgive me, I cannot forgive myself.