Golf

All of a sudden I feel like taking the golf clubs down to the driving range and whacking the daylights out of the golf balls. I should bring along a marker and write "Building Services" on the balls too. Ahh, the satisfying twack! when the club-face connects with the forsaken pimply face of the ball.

I think I know why paper-pushers like golf so much. It's not so much the business opportunities it offers as you cut a deal with a client on the course; it's the feeling of released fustration when you send a ball (with a neo-print of your boss stickered on it) soaring into the air and then ploink! into the water hazard, or better still, smack into the roof of the golf-buggy of some unsuspecting dude.

Striking the monographed balls of one's nemesis (pun not intended) with all of your cow-strength (and till the shit comes out of you cuz you concentrate so much on your swing your ass-muscles relax -- ever wondered how Tiger Wood's undies look after a tough game?) and achieving maximum displacement gives wonderful satisfaction, especially if it flies far and true. Okay, so if you kill a bird with the projectile along the way that'll be a bonus (and probably as good a reason as any to buy 4D), but in my opinion as long as it's a shot well taken it would make all the fustrations go away.

So to keep your employees happy, I think it is important to encourage them to pick up golf and give them each 20 golf balls with a picture of your face printed on them. And additional balls should be given when promotions are passed over, deadlines brought forward, meetings extended and bonuses reduced.