Someone enlighten me on a clean and efficient method to bump off my room mate

Things that I've done this evening:
1. Sweep the room.
2. Arrange the bookshelves.
3. De-odour the room.
4. Wipe the fan.
5. Mop the floor.
6. Clean the rugs.

Things the leech in my room did today:
1. Vegetate.
2. Eat and stink up a recently nice-smelling room.
3. Vegetate.
4. Watch me clean.
5. Vegetate.
6. Watch me mop.
7. Watch internet-TV.
8. Fall asleep while waiting for the TV to load.
9. Use up a 2-week old box of tissues.

On that last count, even with my sinus and running nose, it takes me 3 months on average to polish off one box of tissues. So for him to use up one entire box in 2 weeks is incredible. I don't mind my stuff being used, but by that blob of fluid-filled parasitic carbon-based organism, NO NO NO! (Please refer to earlier blog below for a short list of the major sins he has committed against me). As a note, the only way he can possibly use up so much tissue is that he wanks himself dry. Of which I have this stinking suspicion that he does VERY often. EWWWW!!!

Did I tell you that he doesn't dispose of his tissues in his own trash-bin? I use coloured tissue so if he uses copious amounts it would be very obvious if he throws them in his bin. But mine? To his bird-brain it probably seems pretty logical. Except that I didn't use any the past few days.

So anyway, does anyone out there has a solution for me on how to bump him off without the need to physically dispose of his jism-filled sack? *Pukes*