Friday, September 30, 2005

Melaka Photos

Took these of a procession in Melaka a while back. Was reminded that I had them because I was flipping through an issue of National Geographic on Zheng He and saw this procession in it.

Been busy these few days so I didn't really take my time to go through the photos. Here's the first few.



Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Perils In Nude Modelling



Hahaha! Apparently this won the Academy Awards for Best Student Shortfilm. The Project Pilot has a long way to go man.

Hard Gay Helping Tokyolites

Here's the original source

Erm, I don't really know whether I should be disgusted or amused. In Japan's TV wasteland whatever that can be done to increase ratings will be done, and Hard Gay is probably the result of that. But it does show that even though Hard Gay's totally well-intentioned, very often we as human beings we're still conditioned to take things at face value, no matter how often the maxim of not judging a book by its cover is drilled into our heads.


A short description of Hard Gay from the Mainichi News site.

Razor Ramon "Hard Gay" Sumitani's cutting humor parodying stereotypical homosexuals has made him a firm favorite of Japan's fickle schoolgirl fans, according to Asahi Geino (7/28).

Looking akin to an outcast from the Village People, clad entirely in black leather -- a body-hugging, sleeveless, shirt, micro-hotpants and a studded black cap -- and his every move accompanied by Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca" blaring out in the background, 29-year-old Razor Ramon is fast becoming one of the most recognized faces on Japan's small screen.

Razor Ramon HG has a corner on the program where he helps others, whether they want his assistance or not, suddenly springing up in front of them, holding his arms above his head, then wildly gyrating his hips and thrusting his pelvis forward while screaming out a piercing, "Whoooooo!" and announcing himself as "Haado Gei!"

Among those he has helped in his stints on the show include crying children, tissue distributors and old women he has piggybacked across pedestrian overpasses. He claims to gain his apparently boundless energy from memories of late Queen singer Freddie Mercury.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Test

I've got an art history test on Monday and 2 presentations the next week. Looks like I'm going to neglect this blog for a while... See Alex's analogy on the shit we as NUS students get. Laters!

Friday, September 23, 2005

The most lovely song I've heard in a long while.

"Over the Rainbow / What a Wonderful World by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole"


First heard it on the movie Finding Forrester.

Here's the full story of how this haunting song came about


An exerpt

A young engineer named Milan Bertosa sits in his recording studio, waiting. He was planning to go home, until some Hawai'ian guy with a lot of letters in his name called up and wanted to record something right away. It's late, Bertosa is tired, but the voice was insistent, saying he only needed half an hour. A knock at the door, and there stands an unimaginable sight. De Mello, whom Bertosa recognizes, stands about five foot two and 100 pounds. Next to him, the largest man he's ever seen, a gargantuan six-foot-six Hawai'ian carrying a ukulele. De Mello introduces the two, they get Israel situated in a chair, and Bertosa starts rolling tape.

Israel leans into the microphone, says: "Kay, this one's for Gabby," and begins gently strumming the uke. His beautiful voice comes in, a lilting "Oooooo," then slips into the opening words of "Over the Rainbow," from "The Wizard of Oz." Bertosa listens behind the glass, and within the first few bars knows it's something very special. He spends most of his time recording lousy dance music. This is otherworldly. An incredibly fat man, elegantly caressing a Hollywood show tune, breaking it down to its roots, so sad and poignant, yet full of hope and possibility. Halfway through the tune, Israel spirals off into "What a Wonderful World," the George David Weiss/Bob Thiele hit made famous by Louis Armstrong, then melts back into "Over the Rainbow." He flubs a lyric, and tosses in a new chord change, but it doesn't matter. It feels seamless, chilling. Israel plays five songs in a row, then turns to de Mello and says, "I'm tired and I'm going home." "Gets up and walks out," says de Mello. "Ukulele and a vocal, one take. Over." Israel never played the song again.

Speechless

Plane Crash Landing Photo

Mime

Video - possibly dead link
Damn funny!


I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn’t be that man I adored
You don’t seem to know, don’t seem to care what your heart is for
But I don’t know him anymore
I don’t care, I have no luck, I don’t miss it all that much
There’s just so many things that I can’t touch, I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn. torn.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Mix-up

Someone wore the wrong pair of flip-flops after a meeting in hall just now. What happened was that we aren't allowed to wear our footwear up to the lounge space in hall, so we have to take them off before we proceed. Having realised that someone in hall has the same pair of flip-flops as myself and what I usually do is to put mine far far away when I notice that the particular person is around for a meeting too. By the way his (I assume it's a him) flip-flips are 2 sizes bigger than mine so I figured that there probably is no way a mix-up can occur.

Anyway on this particular occasion that particular individual isn't around so I left mine around. When I left, I noticed that my slippers decided to go through a spurt of spontaneous cellular division and grow bigger. I'm just wondering if the weather is cold enough to make a pair of slippers cold enough to feel 2 sizes too small, so much so that you attribute it to molecular contraction rather than a case of being the wrong size. Hmmm.

Closure

"Hello Mr Tan? We're calling from SAFRA regarding your phonecall yesterday on the credit card renewal. We have processed your renewal and the card should be in your mail within the next few days. Thank you."

Humph. About time. 2 weeks already. At least they didn't forget.

Contact Sheet #3

I'm not going to say much here. Shot in 1996/7 for my installation on the transience of life, the location is the current Far East Square prior to its development. Ilford Delta 400, Developed in Kodak T-Max developer, Kodak Indicator Stop Bath and Rapid-fix. Developer temperature 23 degrees celsius, pushed by 1 stop.

Except 4th photo (titled "Wall"), shot at Bouna Vista, at the current OneNorth development. Was a disused warehouse. Photo taken in 2000. Kodak T-max 400, Developed in Agfa Developer, Kodak Indicator Stop Bath and Ilford Fixer.

Shot on a variety of lenses and cameras, inc Nikon F5, Canon AE, Nikon FM2, Canon EOS50E, Minolta x700. Lenses are mainly prime 50mm and a couple of 28mm zooms and a 65mm macro.




















Contact Sheet #2

All the photos were taken in Nepal some 6 years back (gosh, I'm old!) when I went there with the People's Association for a climbing and mercy relief trip to help the children at a missionary school there.Most of the photos here were shot on slides (Fujichrome Professional Provia 100), save the first photo, which was shot on negatives and developed in Kathmandu, Nepal (the slides were developed back in SG). Apparently the negatives weren't fixed very well, so some of them have started to fade and turn yellow (some of that yellowish tinge can be seen in the photo of the Nepalese Girls). I'm trying to find time to salvage them by re-fixing them in the chemical and at the same time making a digital backup but school is so busy. Sigh.

Took this when we hit a maoist encampment somewhere halfway on our journey up to the base camp. We camped beside a river and this hut was a short distance from where we were. You can notice the man in his maoist rebel cap placing a watchful eye on us.
135mm f/8 EOS50E Fujicolor Professional Reala 100


It was at the point where we hit 3500m above sea level when this big cloud moved over us and visibility was cut to nearly zero. The sunlight hardly penetrated the cloud and we had to stop our ascent for safety. As the cloud moved away, the front group picked up their trekking poles and started onward again. It was at this moment that I whipped out the camera as light slowly filtered through, casting an errie blue hue over everything.
400mm f/5.6 EOS50E


Basically this was a view at the Annapurna Base Camp. A whole bunch of climbers on this particular day because its nearling the end of the climbing window, if I can remember correctly. Its about 4500m above sea level I think. I was already woozy from altitude sickness the night before and only managed toi acclimatise that morning. Pardon the quality because the original file was 9mb+ big so I kinda compressed it as small as I can. Ditto for all the others.
20mm f/16 EOS50E.


I doubt you can see from the lousy quality of the image but there are prayer flags fluttering at the brown ridge. Its for good luck and the climbers who have died on the mountain. Yeah, people do die there. Beyond the snow-capped peaks lies Tibet.
28mm f/11 EOS50E


Bet you can't tell what those 2 sherpas are standing on is a huge chunk of ice! Ha! The hole is carved by the spray from the waterfall coming down from the cliff behind.
Fujicolor Professional Reala 100, 35mm f/5.6 EOS50E


At about 3500m we had trekked above the level of clouds and this was the last 'fluff' that drifted past us. The landscape seems pretty bleak and dry but when the moist cloud passed over it it left a trail of white frost in the cold weather. If you didn't know what heaven is, take a closer look.
28mm f/8 EOS50E


And amazingly plum blossoms still bloom in the thin air. The photo was taken as we ascended towards the base camp on the day before. It was close to noon but the weather was just hovering above freezing.
35mm f/5.6 EOS50E


At the foot of the Annapurna Mastif. The ground is an entire piece of glacier and the melting water slowly trickled beneath my feet. As it flowed down, it met other trickles and at the point where it neared the town of Pokhara people were white-water rafting. And it all ended up in a lake.

Contact Sheet #1

Decided that I should slowly start putting photos back onto my blog. It's been a long time since I've put any decent pictures up.

Shot this at Tanjong Chek Jawa last year. Some fiddler crab I think. The bugger was trying to hide from me so I waited till it thought the coast was clear. Colour is the original true colour. Not photoshopped in any way. 300mm f/8 ISO800 on a Canon EOS10D.


Shot this a few years back. Only scanned the slide recently as I was trawling through piles of old film. 100+ rolls. How on earth am I going to digitise them. Gawd! Anyway, film I think was FujiChrome Provia 100, Lens was a 20mm on a Canon EOS50E.


Saw this bee at the Botanic Gardens Orchid Gardens. Shot it last year I think. Thought I lost it when my portable hard disk crashed (at the hands of a Windows PC no less!) but thank goodness PY had it as her wallpaper! *Muak!* The shooting data eludes me but I think it was a 200mm f/4 ISO400 shot on a Canon EOS10D (pardon the slow speed and long focal length. Hence there's some blur).

Update

Apparently its a legit call, although they have yet to confirm that it has been updated into their database (apparently they have 2 seperate databases) and the girl on the line promised to call me back once she has acertained that my records have been entered into the other computer. That was like at 11.30am and they haven't gotten back to me yet, even though they have knocked off for the day. Ah well, I'll have to call them up and bug them about it. Which brings me back to the service culture of Singapore...

And I was rudely awaken by an extremely persistant insurance telemarketeer from DBS this morning. It was some tie up with Aviva and I told him nicely that I'm not really interested in taking up a policy right now because I already have a couple that has yet to mature. Yet he kept on selling the pluses of the policy and regurgitated the classic story of the technician who did not take it up and had an accident and he regretted it and whatever.

So I told him why not he send me a brochure and in the event I plan to take it up I'll buzz him, and out comes the story of how a lady took it up on the spot and fell ill subsequently and had the good fortune of being able to claim the payout. And as he was recounting this 'personal ancedote' he accidentally addressed me as "Gary" instead of Mr Tan, which blatantly implies that the training subject was, well, Gary.

"Alright gentlemen, today's class would be about making a sales pitch to your customer. Remember, if you are as tenacious as a pitbull and persistantly tell him a thousand and one stories of how people had misfortune befalling them because they did not take up our policy, sooner or later he will be irritated to the point where he slams the phone down, disown you as a friend, or be persuaded to take up the policy. As you remember from our last personal-motivation class, your daily motto is be optimistic and positive; bad things don't happen to you, so keep pitching the policy to him and he will take it.

"Also, when you tell him your grandmother stories, remember to make it personal and immediate: if the story is 'Gary, there was once this customer that failed to take up the policy and...', make it personal and say 'Mr So-and-so, there was once this customer of mine that failed to...'."

Apparently he forgot to substitite Gary for Mr Tan in this case. New kid on the block I suppose. Either that or he hasn't woken up yet at 10 in the morning, because I haven't. Sheesh.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Fraud

I have this sinking suspicion that I'm a victim of credit card fraud. This guy called me concerning membership renewal for SAFRA and he rattled off my addy and particulars and things like that. So he was saying that there was this promotion concerning the renewal of the membership and he needed my card number. As it turned out the promotion was legitimate and that guy sounded official enough.

It was in the midst of submission and sleep-deprived me wasn't think too straight. So anyway I said I wasn't too comfortable in divulging my number and stuff like that but he piled on the assurances that the data would not be used any other way and that I could call the hotline to check anytime I am not sure. So I gave in (which I suppose wasn't an excusable move on my part, legitimate or not the phonecall was) and now more than a week later I have yet to receive a confirmation of the application.

Anyway I've set a reminder in my phone and I'll give those buggers a call tomorrow, and if the application has not been registered I'll probably have to give the DBS Card Centre a call and have my card number changed. Man, will they be irritated because I just had them send me a replacement card a month back as the old card was falling apart.

Ah well, here's a lesson to myself and to all.
Never be lazy.

NUS VPN First Aid Guide

Alrighty, I've been getting a number of requests lately about the darned NUS VPN so I've decided to put up a step-by-step instruction on how it do it up. Apparently NUS/ Cisco (I don't really know who) has written a client for the VPN so obtuse that up till now after more than 2 years with it I still haven't figured out how to change the darned password on it. Okay, I did it the last time round, but I really don't remember how I pulled it off anymore. Anyway, how is it that the policy of password renewal every 180 days can be implemented when something as simple as updating a password on the VPN is made impossible through an interface that is designed to obfuscate?

That aside, while surfing the NUS mac forums, I chanced upon a posting by someone in the Faculty of Science that has found that the MacOS 10.3 and above has the VPN function built natively into it (can we somehow make Steve Jobs some kind of living saint or something?) so we don't have to waste our time mucking about the Cisco VPN client. I can't really recall the link now, although when I do I'll put it here. So below I'll do my best and show you guys how to set up your mac with the built-in VPN and have a beautiful icon integrated into your menu bar as well (no more ugly VPN icon in the dock!).

STEP 1:


Launching the Internet Connect application, go to the "File" drop-down menu and select "New VPN Connection..."

STEP 2:


Once you're done, a window will (hopefully) appear (don't worry, it will. Afterall, this is not WinXP), and click on the PPTP radio button.

STEP 3:
<

Thereafter, select "Edit Configurations..." from the drop-down menu at "Connections".

STEP 4:


Give it a name. I suppose you can call it Brad or Tom or Angelina for all I care, as long as it makes sense to you. Boring ol' me chose to call it NUS.

STEP 5:


Type 137.132.3.176 as the server address. The alternative is 137.132.3.177 (only the last digit differs). I suggest for prudence once you've completed setting up for one address, create a second one for the alternative address as from time to time in the weekends NUS Computer Centre takes one of them down for maintenence. You can go ahead and call it Brad2 or Tom2, but I'm sure you're more creative than that. As a soon-to-be creative professional I have opted for NUS Alternative. Its taken by me guys, so come up with something of your own.

STEP 6:


Bang in your NUSID without the nusstu\ and the corresponding password. No not mine. Yours. Don't blindly copy everything you see on screen.

STEP 7:


Of course I could say step 7 is technically "Click OK on your screen and you're done" but I assume you're more intelligent than that. So Step 7 is Click Connect and you're connected.

Okay, what I really meant to say is that if you notice the option to display VPN status in the menu bar, you can check it if it isn't already and connect elegantly to the VPN from the little VPN icon. You can choose to uncheck the option to display the time connected, unless you want to know how long you've been online surfing and whiling your life away.

Okay, hope this helps. If it doesn't, too bad. No MSN for you. You don't really need it anyway unless you stand no chance of getting onto the Dean's List anymore.

Yamaha Has the Most Actrocious Customer Support Policy

Update. I just talked with a hall friend over supper and realised that I'm not the only victim of Yamaha's policy. Apparently they purchased a set of Yamaha speakers from a dealer and it turned out that one of the speakers was really funky. So they called up Yamaha to inquire about repairs and as it turned out it was discontinued too. And so those buggers refused to repair it since it was discontinued. I mean, how can you possibly not offer to repair your product when it fails? And it makes complete logical sense that you would only expect a piece of equipment to fail when it has been put through years of abuse (not so in the case of the speaker, because apparently it was defective from the factory) and not within the warranty period. By then I would conceed that it would probably be out of production. But that, in my opinion, does not exclude the manufacturer from its responsibility of offering technical support and repairs when the need requires. Its not that the customer cannot pay for the repairs. It the fact that it is non-existant to begin with. This is a disease with all the big players in the niche markets in Singapore (see post on Art Friend).

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Reservist

Just got a call from my army buddy about an in camp training on monday. Apparently I've been excluded because I'm still in uni. Which doesn't make a lot of sense since a fair number of uni guys go back for reservist. But given the nature of my unit, I suppose it makes some sense in deferring me till I graduate. Sigh, that means my buddy will complete his liabilities before me.

Anyway he was telling me that the training would be a live firing. I was pretty shocked. First in-camp training and it'll be a live firing? Geez. Would there be a refresher course? I mean, we were instructors while we were serving but after 3 years we're bound to forget some drills. And what about those who did not have a the opportunity for constant hands-on because they did not have to train commanders and officers on the drills? I sure hope there is a refresher course... I'll watch the live firing from my home window (I can see the live firing area, or at least the 'illum' that they fire) and see if anything cocks up. Heh.

Yamaha Has the Most Actrocious Customer Support Policy

Just the other day I sent the 2nd hand guitar I got a short while back down to Yamaha to fix it up. Apparently there's a dead piezo-pickup (it's one of those techno mumbo-jumbo crap so you can ignore it) and I decided to go down to Yamaha to see what they can do with it. Anyway, since the guitar was a limited edition (serial number's 00065, so that means my guitar's the 65th piece produced, duh) and parts are hard to find, one would figure that the best place to get it would be the local distributor. And also since the original owner got it for about $4000, I would expect at least some proper customer support. Was I wrong.

As I entered, I asked if they do repairs and I mentioned that I had a Parker Fly to fix up. The first thing the staff did was to stare at me dumbfoundedly. Subsequently, some dumbass (I suppose he's the store supervisor from the way he is uniformed differently) said that they do not do repairs for that particular model and suggested why not I buy a Yamaha guitar instead. Good Grief, why on earth would I want to buy a Yamaha guitar when the original price of the guitar I was holding would probably buy 4 or 5 of the best Yamaha has to offer and none would come close?

So anyway, I was so pissed I walked out on the spot. Realising that if I had walked away I'll never be able to get it fixed, I turned back and nicely asked if there's anyway I can order parts through them, since they were the sole dealer and it is only right that they have parts to repair the guitar with, or means to obtain them. The supervisor was gone by then so I was left with a fairly lost kid at the counter (I think I must have looked really pissed or it was his first week at work) and he checked this slip of paper, which said the guitar was discontinued, so they did not make repairs for it.

Anyway, that sounded absurd to me, since its industry policy from all manufacturers to keep parts for up to 5 years after discontinuation. So I pressed if there's anyway I can get it fixed. At this point another girl stepped forward (I suppose she's been around longer) and passed me a namecard, saying that's the contact of the resident guitar tech and senior sales consultant and that I should give that guy a buzz on Monday (apparently he only works on Monday, and not every single one too. Wow, that is SOME job) and see if there's anything he can do.

There's nothing I can really do at this point, so I headed down to the dealer who brokered the deal between me and the original owner and he was pretty surprised that Yamaha discontinued the range and no longer had parts (although I don't think they had any to begin with). So he held on to it and I suppose he'll probably have to ship in the parts from the States. I just hope it doesn't translate to additional costs for me. Sigh.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Raffles Hall Concert




Did up the poster finally through submission and crit. Yah! Was doing a photoshoot for the concert cast too.





Okay, gonna get some rest. Better come watch okay?

Friday, September 16, 2005

Sounds from my blog

If you hear music or speech, its from an earlier post. Just scroll down and shut it up.

Murphy's military Laws

All credits to the Murphy's Law Site.

Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations


  • Friendly fire - isn't.

  • Recoilless rifles - aren't.

  • Suppressive fires - won't.

  • You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

  • A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

  • If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

  • Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

  • If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.

  • If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

  • Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

  • Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

  • Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

  • If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

  • The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

  • The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready.
    & when you're not.

  • No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

  • There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

  • Five second fuzes always burn three seconds.

  • There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

  • A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

  • The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

  • The easy way is always mined.

  • Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

  • Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

  • Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

  • If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

  • When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

  • Incoming fire has the right of way.

  • No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

  • No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

  • If the enemy is within range, so are you.

  • The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

  • Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

  • Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.

  • Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

  • Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.

  • Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

  • Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

  • Tracers work both ways.

  • If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

  • When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

  • Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

  • Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

  • Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

  • Weather ain't neutral.

  • If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

  • Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.

  • 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.

  • The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

  • Napalm is an area support weapon.

  • Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

  • B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

  • Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

  • Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

  • The one item you need is always in short supply.

  • Interchangeable parts aren't.

  • It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.

  • When in doubt, empty your magazine.

  • The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

  • Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

  • If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation.

  • If two things are required to make something work, they will never be shipped together.

  • Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

  • Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.

  • The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

  • The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

  • If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

  • There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

  • If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

  • You'll only remember your hand grenades when the sound is too close to use them.

  • Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

  • Well .. It could be worse: It could be raining .. and we could be out in it.

  • So he said, "Cheer up: it could be worse!" So we cheered up. And it got worse.

  • The side with the simplest uniform wins...

  • The spare batteries for the PRC-whatever your troops have been carrying are either nearly dead or for the wrong radio.

  • The ping you heard was the antenna snapping off at 6 inches above the flexmount, while a fire mission was being called in on a battalion of hostiles who know your position.

  • Why is it the CO sticks his head in your radio hooch to see if anything has come down from DIV when you are listening to the VOA broadcasting the baseball games?

  • How come you are on one frequency when everyone else is on another?

  • Why does your 500-watt VRC-26 (real old) not make it across 200 miles while a ham with 50 watts on the same MARS frequency can be heard from Stateside?

  • Know why short RTOs have long whips on their radios? So someone can find them when they step in deep water.

  • The enemy "Alway's" times his attack, to the second you drop your pant's in the Latrine!!

  • The ammo you new "NOW"!! is on the "Next" airdrop!!


Murphy's Law

The Army Weather Corollaries



  • Inclement weather always begins AFTER you've already done PT.

  • A sudden downpour always occurs at the end of a summer field exercise--just in time coat all your equipment and camouflage with mud.

  • The best beach weather always occurs when you are in the field wearing MOPP 4.

  • There is no such thing as a blue sky during a company picnic.

  • There is no such thing as a cloudy sky when your unit needs to infiltrate enemy territory.

  • Road conditions are always red when it's time to convoy home.

  • Motor pools are always 20 degrees warmer than the rest of the post during the summer and 50 degrees colder in the winter.

  • Army training areas exist in a constant state of weather flux controlled by a deity with a truly cruel sense of humor--How do you think we got them so cheap?

  • The peak of Mt. Everest would flood if an Army unit was told to set up on it.

  • Hell really would freeze over if someone decided to conduct an exercise there.

  • The Port-a-Potty Postulate states that the likelihood of a hurricane, sandstorm, tsunami, or blizzard occurring immediately over your location is directly related to how bad you need to get to the portajohns at the other side of the campsite in the middle of the night.

  • The temperature always rises to 70 degrees AFTER you put on two layers of polypros, your bear suit, and all of your Gortex.

  • If you whine about the weather, someone else will always whine louder.




Rules of the Rucksack


1. No matter how carefully you pack, a rucksack is always too small.

2. No matter how small, a rucksack is always too heavy.

3. No matter how heavy, a rucksack will never contain what you want.

4. No matter what you need, it's always at the bottom.


Phillip's Law:

Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.



Weatherwax's Postulate:

The degree to which you overreact to information will be in inverse proportion to its accuracy.


Least Credible Sentences:

1. The check is in the mail.

2. The trucks will be on the drop zone.

3. Of course I'll respect you in the morning.

4. I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.


Brintnall's Second Law:

If you receive two contradictory orders, obey them both.



Pavlu's Rules for Economy in Decision Papers:

1. Refute the last established recommendation.

2. Add yours.

3. Pass the paper on.



Oliver's Law:

Experience is something you don't get until after you need it.



Lackland's Laws:

1. Never be first.

2. Never be last.

3. Never volunteer for anything.



Rune's Rule:

If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.



Law of Supply (also known as the Law of Gifts):

You get the most of what you need the least.



Hane's Law:

There is no limit to how bad things can get.





Murphy's Military Laws

All credits here.




Murphy's Military Laws


1.  Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.

2.  No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.   -  Field Marshall Helmuth Carl Bernard von Moltke


3.  Friendly fire isn't.

4.  The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

5.  The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

6.  The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

7.  The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.

8.  Incoming fire has the right of way.

9.  If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

14. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

14a.   There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.  -  Winston Churchill

15. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

17. Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant'.

18. All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets.

    18.1 ...printed at different scales;

    18.2 ...uphill;

    18.3 ...and in the rain.

19. Logistics is the ball and chain of armoured warfare.  -  Heinz Guderian


20. The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.

21. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.

22. A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.  -  George Patton


23. If orders can be misunderstood, they have been.

24. Tracer works both ways.

25. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

26. War is like love. To triumph, you must make contact.  -  Attributed to Napoleon


27. Boldness becomes rarer, the higher the rank.  -  Karl von Clausewitz


28. Never reinforce failure. Failure reinforces itself.

29. Only 5% of an intelligence report is accurate. The trick of a good commander is to isolate the 5%.  -  Douglas MacArthur


30. Tactics is for amateurs; professionals study logistics.

31. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he's fallen back too far.

32. It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps.

33. No captain can do very wrong who places his ship alongside that of the enemy.  -  Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson


34: Only numbers can annihilate.  -  Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson


35a. Always know when it's time to get out of Dodge.

35b. Always know how to get out of Dodge.

36. Your equipment was made by the lowest bidder.

37. Priorities are made by officers, not God. There's a difference.

38. Always honour a threat.

39. The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it.

40. Hell hath no fury like a non-combatant.  -  Charles Edward Montague


41. Fighter pilots make movies; attack pilots make history.

42. There are two kinds of naval vessels: submarines and targets.

43. A lost battle is a battle one thinks one has lost.  -  Ferdinand Foch (Principles de Guerre)


44. Surprise is an event that takes place in the mind of a commander.  -  Jerry Pournelle


45. All warfare is based on deception.  -  Sun Tzu (The Art of War)


46. A little caution outflanks a large cavalry.  -  Otto von Bismark


47. No combat ready squad ever passed inspection.  No inspection ready squad ever passed combat.

48. Five second grenade fuses burn down in three seconds.

49. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.

50. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support.

51. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share to take.

52. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.

53. Parade ground inspections are to combat readiness as mess hall food is to cuisine.

54. When in doubt empty the magazine.

55. Snow is not neutral.  -  Frunze Military Academy Maxim

Problem Solving Flowchart

The Laws of Murphy (and others)

Laws Governing Everyday Life




Firestone's Law of Forecasting:

    Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Manly's Maxim:
    Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Grizzard's truism:
    The trouble with most jobs is the job holder's resemblance to being one of a sled dog team.

    No one gets a change of scenery except the lead dog.

Cannon's Comment:
    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

MURPHY'S LAW:
    If anything can go wrong, it will.

Murphy's First Corollary:
    Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

    Any attempt on your part to correct this will only accelerate the process.

Murphy's Second Corollary:
    It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious

Murphy's Constant:
    Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

Quantised Revision of Murphy's Law:
    Everything goes wrong all at once.

O'Toole's Commentary:
    Murphy was an optimist.

Finagle's Fourth Law:
    Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Gumperson's Law:
    The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Rudin's Law:
    In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.

Ginsberg's Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
    You can't win.

    You can't break even.

    You can't quit.

Ehrman's Commentary
    Things will get worse before they will get better.

    Who said things would get better?

Commoner's Second Law of Ecology:
    Nothing ever goes away.

Howe's Law:
    Everyone has a scheme that will not work.

Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics:
    Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.

Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations:
    Negative expectations yield negative results.

    Positive expectations yield negative results.

Klipstein's Laws:
    Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.

    Interchangeable parts won't.

    You never find a lost article until you replace it.

Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness:
    The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely proportional to its actual usefulness once bought and paid for.

Lewis' Laws:
    No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

    If nobody uses it, there's a reason.

    You get the most of what you need the least.


 
The Aeroplane Law:
    When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Etorre's Observation:
    The other line moves faster.

O'Brien's Variation:
    If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.

The Queue Principle:
    The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are in the wrong line.

First Law of Revision:
    Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after - and only after - the plans are complete.

(Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law)


Corollary I:
    In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the
    wrong way so as to expedite subsequent revision.



Second Law of Revision:
    The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn.



Third Law of Revision:
    If, when completion of a design is imminent, field dimensions are finally supplied as they actually are -- instead
    of as they were meant to be -- it is always simpler to start all over.

Corollary I:
    It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Amazing

The Most Popular Forum Post Ever In China

Reproduced below with all credits to the author.

_______________________________________________________

Whereas blogging is popular in the United States, the Chinese have traditionally preferred the bulletin board systems and forums instead. Blogging is an individual activity with some comments from visitors. Forums are special subject community areas in which various people posts on a defined subject (such as media, society, family, etc.) and people can comment. A blog is made or unmade by one individual, whereas forums depend on the collective participation of many people.

The following story appeared in Nanfang Weekend. It follows the story of one particular forum post at the Tianya Club. The post first appeared in February 22, 2005. Since then, it was been viewed more than 223,000 times, and almost 4,000 people have commented on it. It is estimated that it will take a person 7 hours to read the whole thread. With the national exposure from Nanfang Weekend, there will probably be another huge traffic surge.

What is the subject? It is about rich versus poor in China. The extraordinary thing is that the crucial discourse contained little or no political, economic or sociological jargon. There was no invocation of Marx-Engels-Stalin-Mao and no Chinese census data. It was just two principal characters describing their daily lives and commenting on each other.

The precipitating cause for the forum post was a frequent forum participant named Yi Yeqing. She described herself as a Shanghai elitist and repeatedly asserted that society is divided into classes of noble people versus the riffraff. From 2004, she wrote several essays to express her contempt of peasants, migrant laborers, outsiders, beggars and others. For example, in the essay "Today, I saw a migrant laborer without shoes", she wrote: "This migrant laborer is worse than even people in the poorest country in the world ... his attitude was so backwards! I despise him!" In another essay, "My views on the housing situation of Chinese university students (it shocked me)", she spoke about "observing some horrible things" during a tour of a Shanghai university: "Heavens! Four people live in one single room! I have never heard of such a thing. Even more unthinkable is that these four people use the same bathroom. It is really unhygienic ... this is pitiful, this is pitiful!"

On February 22, a netizen posted an attack on Yi Yeqing and her elitist attitudes. This was promptly supported by many others. This is not the first time that Yi Yeqing had been attacked this way. In fact, every one of her previous articles probably drew similar attacks.

In the face of these attacks, Yi Yeqing did not back down. She held her ground and patiently explained to the netizens that she has a high income and she is upper-class, and she would not back down on her contempt of the likes of migrant laborers. One famous Tianya Club writer said, "It is impossible to refute Yi Yeqing with the conventional method of argument."

Indeed. What then is so special about this forum post? That was because a second character named "Northern Latitude 67 degrees 3 minutes" (hereafter abbreviated as NL) appeared on the scene and totally turned the situation upside down.

NL's objective was clear: he wanted to establish that Yi Yeqing is just a nouveau riche person who is pretending that she has made it into the 'upper-class' and as such is unqualified to speak for the true 'upper-class.' "You can be prejudiced and that is your problem, but you must not wave the banner of our 'upper-class.' We in the upper-class society do not believe that we are more noble than others. We respect everyone, even a beggar."

Yi Yeqing spoke of her family wealth and connections to famous wealthy families. "My sister has more than 60 million US dollars." As for herself, "I know the wife of shipping magnate XXX and we know their family well."

NL said, "The family and friends of XXX do not appear to have heard of anyone with the first name Yi. Of course, maybe I don't know everything since I don't know XXX's family that well. They are just nouveau rich trying to climb up into upper society, and we don't care much for people like that." And then, "Your sister only has 60 million US dollars? She is pathetically poor!"

As for his own credentials, NL disclosed that among China's "top society," there are six families. "You may be rich, but you will never be in top society. Your last name is not Shen, not Zhou, not Li, not Zhang, not Gu and not Chen. You are not one of the six families. You will never know what is 'top society'! ... my last name is Zhou ... the Zhou family of Yunan. If you know anything about top society, you will know what I mean."

So Yi Yeqing's high-and-mighty prejudices against the lowly migrant laborers were shaken at the foundation. Those people who are even more "upper-class" than her respect the grassroots. So what is the basis for her prejudices? This was the most devastating attack that she has ever experienced on the Internet.

The fight than quickly turned from the Internet masses opposing Yi Yeqing's prejudicial attitudes into a fight between "old nobility" versus "nouveau riche." With the common value of "respecting others," the "old nobility" and the "masses" formed a temporary alliance against the arrogant "nouveau riche." And NL wins because he used her own "wealth comparison" approach against her.

Yi Yeqing said that her family can spend "several thousand US dollars" in a blink and they fly every 2 to 3 days, such as from Moscow in Europe to San Francisco in the United States for tens of thousands of US dollars. NL comments: "We don't pay for airline tickets when we travel. We fly in our own private plane."

Yi Yeqing said that the red wine that she drank on New Year's Eve costs 1-2 thousand RMB. NL said that the a bottle French wine that he drank on New Year's Eve costs US$13,000.

Within NL's arsenal, he also had taste in addition to wealth.

He said that the "nobility" would never call San Francisco by its shortened colloquial name of 三藩市; instead, they always say 圣弗朗西斯科, and they never go there anyway. They "also never go to Moscow, because there are no nobles left after the Tsar died." NL goes to places that people don't think usually think of -- salmon fishing in Alaska or safari hunting in the central African grasslands.

He also "taught" Yi Yeqing: "Upper society only drinks champagne and a small number of French red wines. Other than that, we only drink soda water or mineral water." Yi Yeqing mentioned that she likes to make coffee at home or go to the Garden Restaurant in the five-star Shanghai hotel to drink coffee. NL said, "Ms. Yi even said that she drinks coffee! Heavens! We in the upper society do not drink coffee. We only drink tea!" Then NL piled on, "We don't hold any prejudice against anyone. We don't abuse poor people. We only despise a certain type of people, and that is the kind like Ms. Yi who pretends that she is upper-class."

To further prove that Yi Yeqing is just vulgar nouveau riche, NL posed nine lifestyle questions and insisted that she answer them. For those that she answered, NL critiqued them with scathing effectiveness.

Question 1: What color clothes do you usually wear? What brands? What brand of watch do you wear? Do you wear jewelry? When do you wear them? Where do you get your jewelry?


For clothes, Yi Yeqing liked PORTS. She has seven watches, of which the most expensive is a Patek Philippe that her father gave her for work.

NL used his younger sister as the example to "educate" Yi Yeqing about how upper society dresses. "Their clothes have no labels because they are custom-made in several specialized shops in Paris. These shops are not open for business because they only cater to their regular clientele."

"Upper society girls dress conservatively. They usually wear black, gray or something light. Bright clothes are worn only on rare occasions. They never wear purple. They don't usually wear any jewelry. The jewelry is worn only on special occasions, and they wear only family heirlooms."

NL said that each Patek Philippe has a serial number, and the company will register carefully when, where and to whom it was sold and that information is sent back to Switzerland. As far as he knows, Patek Philippe has never sold a watch to any Chinese person named Yi. Therefore, NL relentlessly pushed Yi Yeqing to publish her Patek Philippe serial number.


Question 2: Do you drive yourself or do you have a chauffeur? What is the brand of your car? What color is it?


Yi Yeqing has a Lexus at home, but she prefers a particular Honda brand.

NL's standard answer is that BMW and Benz are only for the nouveau riche. "We have Chevrolets. In white."


Question 3: How much taxes do your financial advisor and lawyer file on your behalf each year?


Yi Yeqing saw no need to have her own private lawyer and financial advisor. If NL earned his own money, he would know why she wanted to save that money. But NL concluded: "Looks like you cannot afford to hire a private lawyer and financial advisor!"


Question 4: How much do you donate to charity organizations each year? To which organizations?


Yi Yeqing said: "I am not obliged to donate money. The details of anything related to charitable donations are decided by my father."

Once again, NL concluded: "Of course, when it comes to donations, you won't do it!" Later, he added: "You can work ten lifetimes and you will never earn the amount of money that our family donates to the Chinese Charitable Foundation each year."


Questions 5, 7 and 8: How much do you spend on maintaining your cruise boat? How many race horses does your family have? Which races have they participated in? What prizes have they won? What are their bloodlines? What kind of dogs do you own? What are their bloodlines?


Yi Yeqing replied: "I don't have any dogs. It is too expensive in time and money to look after them." She also said, "It is not that I can't afford a boat or a thoroughbred horse, but I don't want to waste the time and energy, so there is no need to waste the money."

NL rebutted sarcastically: "Ms. Yi! There is no one in upper society who does not have dogs. How are you going to hunt without dogs? But after you read this, you should not go out too hastily to get a dog. You cannot just have any dog. And it does not look as if your family could afford a cruise boat, or a race horse. It costs at least 10 million US dollars to maintain a race horse. Why don't you try keeping one for me to see?"


Question 6: Where did you go school as a child? How many family tutors did you have?


Yi Yeqing did not respond, so NL concluded anyway: "You definitely did not have a family tutor. Such a family tutor is not someone who teaches physics, chemistry or other such useless stuff. This is someone who is supposed to teach fencing, etiquette and horse riding."


Question 9: What kind of music do you listen to? Where do you listen to it?


Yi Yeqing said that she likes to listen to music conducted by Herbert von Karajan.

NL replied: "We watch live opera."

After these exchanges, Yi Yeqing was completely routed. Her only counter-attack was to accuse NL of not working, because all the successful upper-class people that she has seen worked. NL said calmly: "Upper class people do not work. Our forebears have accumulated vast amounts of wealth over the generations to the point where we don't need to work anymore. We let people who work for us invest our money." "We all have our own trust funds."

Then NL gave his summation: "Ms. Yi is a petty white-collar person who yearned to be in the upper class. Unfortunately, she has no clue about how the upper class society lives. She fantasizes about her own upper class society and she arrogantly despises those around her. True upper-class ladies are low-keyed, cultured and broad-minded."

Then NL used the same tone that Yi Yeqing used for the peasants back on her: "A wild chicken is a wild chicken, and it can never ever become a phoenix. I don't want to treat you so cruelly, but your horrendous performance might cause people who are not aware of the truth to misunderstand the upper class society. Within our circle, there is no one like the type of uncultured, shameless, vain and boastful person that you are."

Yi Yeqing was reduced to pleading that she was just "an ordinary person" who depended on her own labor to earn money.

After four days of debate with Yi Yeqing, NL's final statement was: "I must have been pretty bored recently to argue about something like this." In this manner, NL said goodbye and went into Internet legend, leaving people still pining for his return.

Why did this post generate so much resonance? In truth, after more than 20 years of economic development, a wealthy class has emerged in China. In the eyes of the people, the wealthy are labeled as "successful people" on one hand; yet, on the other hand, some of them are also characterized as "so poor as to have nothing left except money" with respect to basic human values. The mainstream Internet voice is for democratic rule of law, fairness, justice, trust, amity, orderliness, harmony between man and nature and that is for the best. Society and the Internet should actively promote the beneficial, reform the backwards and condemn the corrupt. Yi Yeqing was doomed to lose, because her point of view represents a regressive culture that is rejected by the mass of netizens. Legally obtained wealth is an indicator of the results of one's labor, but it is not the basis to despise and disrespect others. This is the necessary requirement for a harmonious society.

Among the thousands of comments, there were doubts about whether NL or Yi Yeqing are real people, but the majority did not care: "Most netizens did not care whether they were true rich people or true nobility. The key was that they claimed to be upper class people and they discussed the related issues, and the battle ended in a resounding victory that pleased the masses."

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Great MTV!

Who says music has no social conscience anymore. And I bet you didn't know the true meaning behind the song before you watched this. If it doesn't load properly, you can try here. Or for windows users, here.



Anyway, here's a short blurb on the video:

Acclaimed music video director Samuel Bayer successfully turns Green Day's elegy about the death of lead vocalist Billie Joe Armstrong's father into a hymn to the pain suffered in the past 4 years by the entire U.S. No specific political stance is advocated, and no solutions are given. The massive emotional pain of wartime is simply and effectively acknowledged in a very simple story of two young people.

The 7 minute length of the video, and the fact that young film stars Jamie Bell (Billy Elliot) and Evan Rachel Wood (The Upside Of Anger) were hired to play key roles, indicates an effort to make something more epic than the standard music video. Beyond somewhat standard footage of Green Day performing, the video is fleshed out by images of young romance and graphic battle scenes. The end of the mini-film's story is ambiguous, and this ambiguity gives "Wake Me Up When September Ends" much of its power.

For many, the U.S. has been plunged into an ongoing national nightmare since September 11, 2001, and they can empathize with the sentiment "Wake Me Up When September Ends." Although the song originally was centered around Billie Joe Armstrongs' personal tragedy, Samuel Bayer created his own personal vision. His interpretation is brought to life with both power and restraint and is likely to provoke tears, a visceral human response to pain.

Read it here.

Comment Verification

In order to prevent unsolicited comments touting gardening techniques or that sort, I've resorted to the reader-unfriendly step of requesting for comment verification. A necessary evil, nonetheless in this world of unscrupulous advertisers. Sorry guys.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Parker Fly Deluxe



My new guitar.

OH MY GAWD!!!




OMG. What more can I say. Creative can eat shit and die. Christmas isn't too far away right? Honey Mommy, Sugar Daddy?

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Bye Bye White Mistress

Just sold my electric guitar of 7 years for SGD1000 and bought another one. Will miss my white mistress...


So pretty...



Photos of the replacement coming soon! Time to play more jazz and less rock.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Time Waster

Heh heh heh.
Zest Riddle

Got as far as Stage 17. Anyone good at cryptology can go on from there. WARNING! If you don't have loads of time to waste don't even click on the link. You'll get a major headache from thinking too much.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Over Three Hundred Proofs of God's Existence

Over Three Hundred Proofs of God's Existence C S lewis will roll in his grave foaming from his mouth.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Willy Wonker Willy WANKER?

Need I say more? Let me tell you Roald Dahl is one sick dude. If you didn't know, he's the original Happy Tree Friends man. Just read his Revolting Rhymes. Sick bastard. But of course I lurve his books. Heh. Anyway, it was brought to my notice that Willy Wonker's name sounds like Willy Wanker and he likes young boys and he looks like Wacko Jacko. And you all know what Wacko Jacko did to little boys. He's a Willy Wanker. Ewwwww...